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Lame games offend Line King; SEC slate offers opportunity to the wise

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(RNN) - How in the world does Towson get on L$U's schedule?

Why not Nicholls State or Southeast Louisiana? They're closer, and you'd keep the beat-me-and-pay-me money in the state. Both of those schools scheduled big paydays that required them to travel a great distance to play meaningless games (even though the Oregon State-Nicholls game had to be rescheduled because of Hurricane Isaac).

The Line King would like to take a moment to consider all the ridiculous mismatches that have been played or remain to be played – in no particular order:

Towson @ L$U – Winner gets to keep "Tigers" as mascot; loser wears pink the rest of the season.

Idaho @ North Carolina – Only topped by L$U's Wasted Time of the Week award.

Charleston Southern @ Illinois – The Illini sold their fans on playing a "southeastern" team.

Utah State and UTEP @ Wisconsin – Cupcake games that almost weren't; Cartel Athletic Departments can print "Texas" on season tickets and in the fine print mention it's the team from El Paso, not Austin.

New Hampshire @ Minnesota – Considering Minnesota lost to South Dakota and North Dakota State in consecutive years, they decided to look outside the upper Midwest for an opponent.

Savannah State @ Anywhere – Sadly, this isn't even about football, at least the other games might be.

Tennessee Tech @ Oregon – From Phil Steele's CF2012: "First meeting." Really? Why has it taken so long?

Idaho @ Toledo and New Mexico State @ Ohio – Part of the WAC/MAC Football Challenge, perhaps?

Gardner-Webb @ Pittsburgh – The Panther athletic department hoped the season ticket buyers didn't notice they're playing the Runnin Bulldogs not the Runnin Rebels.

Northwestern State @ Nevada – Although both teams wear purple, it's Northwestern Louisiana, not Northwestern, the Big Ten team from Chicago.

North Dakota @ San Diego State – This has to be the road-trip game of the year – for Fightin' Sioux fans anyway – some probably haven't made it back home yet.

UTEP @ Mississippi – Hugh Freeze hopes that recruits get Texas-El Paso confused with Texas-Austin.

West Virginia vs. The Big 12 and LouisianaTech vs. the WAC and UT-San Antonio vs. Anyone – Yeah, sure and you thought Missouri looked out of place in the $EC East.

Western Carolina @ Bammer – As if having FAU, WKU and Mississippi on the home schedule isn't weak enough.

New Mexico State @ Barn – Here's a natural rivalry game that hasn't reached its prime yet.

Massachusetts @ Vanderbilt – Billed as a service game, kind of the Minutemen vs. the Commodores; plus, the Vandy fan demands a "W" for this year's homecoming game

The Line King hasn't kept track, but figures he is batting around .500 so far this season. He still has money in his wallet, so for those of you that haven't mortgaged the house so you can afford to attend the aforementioned L$U mess, here are this week's selections and all times are Eastern:

Saturday, Sept. 29

Missouri (+3) at UCF, Noon, FSN

Shameful!!! Darth Vader Slive needs to re-read Death Star policy to Mizzou – No $EC team (excluding Mississippi – if you classify them as an $EC school anymore) plays nonconference road games versus non-AQ schools. It's far beneath the appropriate glamour level of the conference. The last time Mizzou did something like this was back in 2004 when it played at Troy, lost and the Big 12 is just now recovering. And to top it off, an $EC team is an underdog!!! Nevertheless, Mizzou covers and doesn't embarrass themselves or the conference.

Arkansas at Texas A&M (-13.5), 12:21 p.m., SEC Network

Luckily for the Razorbacks, Kentucky and Mississippi are on the schedule…but Kentucky and Mississippi have these games circled - scary. Take the Aggies.

Tennessee (+14) at Georgia, 3:30 p.m., CBS

The Line King loves how all of the pundits have this game billed as the top $EC game of the week…the Orange Pants Nation has its hopes dashed once again. Nashville in December begins to look more and more like a reward for this season. Dawgs – win, but because Richt gives the pre-game pep talk, UGA doesn't cover and the For Sale signs pop up like mushrooms in his yard late that night.

South Carolina (NL) at Kentucky, 7 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2

How does Kentucky keep getting on any ESPN? No line as of The Line King writing, which means trouble either way, so stay away,

Towson at LSU, 7 p.m., ESPNU

This game is on ESPNU – there are 60 games more exciting Saturday and they air this?!?!?

Mississippi at Alabama (-31.5), 9:15 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2

The question is: Will the Dark Lord of the Sith, Nick Saban call off the dogs at the 1 yard line like Texas-Austin did? The Arkansas game can't get here soon enough for Mississippi. Take Bammer and use the winnings to upgrade your seats for the Western Carolina game.

Redrum Game of the Week:

Wisconsin at Nebraska (-13)

The Badgers are lucky to be 3-1, not 1-3; Corn looks decent and has only lost its conference opener three times since 1937. Bear in mind, most of those came at the expense of Iowa State or Kansas. Don't look at the screen for fear of an Andromeda Syndrome moment – see Kate Reid in the movie.

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